When you are about to become a mother, all you usually think of is the labour. That is the moment you focus on fully, as if nothing else should follow. You read books, attend prenatal yoga classes, get your birthing pool ready, find your doula, stock up your fridge with broths and cabbage leaves, but are you getting ready for what comes next? All that seems so far away…
And then it comes. The baby arrives, into the pool or midwife’s hands, you become a parent and it doesn´t take more than a few days to realize you´ve hardly finished only a prologue of the just published Novel.
Motherhood is the hardest job you can ever have. And the days will come when you will hate it, from the bottom of your heart. You will want to cry and scream, but you will be too tired for that. Beasts you´ve never seen will arise from your inner self and will take over the reign. You will no longer know who you are. You will be used, torn apart and left abandoned. You will want to run away as fast as you can and never turn back, but instead you will just quietly lay down, with your eyes open wide and breathe in and out.
Not only nobody tells you how hard it is, nobody wants to listen to it either. Have you ever questioned „unconditional love“? You bet there are crowds of mothers who do, many days in a row. We only have learnt to hide our darkest thoughts behind masks of pure joy and loving kindness, as we have always been told to, not letting the tears wash the colours off.
The hope is we know everything we´re going through is just one phase of many, a part of transformational process which will leave us incredibly rich, wise and free eventually. And we know that because we have already gone through this, when we were delivering our babies. The first moments of exciting uncertainty when you feel your tummy getting hard turn into labour pains that get stronger and stronger. Suddenly you have no clue how to work with it. You need someone to support you, but there might be nobody around. You want to stop it right now, put on your panties and leave the ward. But you know you have to breathe it through for there is more to come. When you feel you can´t go further anymore, that´s exactly when the change takes place. These are the melting pots where the old one dies and a brand new is being created.
So when one day you come to the labour pains of the motherhood, don´t give up and carry on. Be surrounded by people who you can trust, who will hold your hand again, pamper you and support you. Don´t let anyone to intimidate you, or tell you what you should feel. You don´t need to be appropriate. You don´t need to be well behaved, nor quiet.
Be loud. Be wherever you need to be. For you need to be there for your baby.